she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
