Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
