Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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