I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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