i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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