i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
