I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
