I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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