so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
