Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
