Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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