Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
