Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
