How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
