...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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