shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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