He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
