He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
