That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
