You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
