Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
