I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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