You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
