Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
