Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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