You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
