my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
