Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
