i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
