Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
