So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
