You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
