Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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Going to get a "plan B"urrito
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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