Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
