do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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