Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
