I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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