It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
