That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
