He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
