I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
