How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
