he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
