I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
