Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
