yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
