yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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