..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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