Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sext me about skeletons
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
