What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
