it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
