I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
