I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
