K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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