Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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