omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
