Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
