I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
