I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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