Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
