I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
