I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
