I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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