My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
