The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
