i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
