She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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