whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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